Wednesday, January 29, 2014

I've Moved!

Hi All!
Just doing a little house keeping to let you know that I've moved back to my old blog

Life has changed in the last couple of months and we are doing less renovations and recreate and learning more life lessons.

So come visit, stay a while.

All the posts from this blog have been transferred to there :).


Thursday, September 26, 2013

From My Corner of the World...

my new daily digs
The Four Agreements (by Miguel Ruiz)
1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best: Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

This Is It.

Here's what I've been learning lately, summarized so perfectly by my ever favorite Shauna Niequist.

“I have always, essentially, been waiting. Waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person I always thought I was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life I thought I would have. In my head, I was always one step away. In high school, I was biding my time until I could become the college version of myself, the one my mind could see so clearly. In college, the post-college “adult” person was always looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, more organized. Then the married person, then the person I’d become when we have kids. For twenty years, literally, I have waited to become the thin version of myself, because that’s when life will really begin.

And through all that waiting, here I am. My life is passing, day by day, and I am waiting for it to start. I am waiting for that time, that person, that event when my life will finally begin.

I love movies about “The Big Moment” – the game or the performance or the wedding day or the record deal, the stories that split time with that key event, and everything is reframed, before it and after it, because it has changed everything. I have always wanted this movie-worthy event, something that will change everything and grab me out of this waiting game into the whirlwind in front of me. I cry and cry at these movies, because I am still waiting for my own big moment. I had visions of life as an adventure, a thing to be celebrated and experienced, but all I was doing was going to work and coming home, and that wasn’t what it looked like in the movies.

John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” For me, life is what was happening while I was busy waiting for my big moment. I was ready for it and believed that the rest of my life would fade into the background, and that my big moment would carry me through life like a lifeboat.

The Big Moment, unfortunately, is an urban myth. Some people have them, in a sense, when they win the Heisman or become the next American Idol. But even that football player or that singer is living a life made up of more than that one moment. Life is a collection of a million, billion moments, tiny little moments and choices, like a handful of luminous, glowing pearl. It takes so much time, and so much work, and those beads and moments are so small, and so much less fabulous and dramatic than the movies.
But this is what I’m finding, in glimpses and flashes: this is it. This is it, in the best possible way. That thing I’m waiting for, that adventure, that movie-score-worthy experience unfolding gracefully. This is it. Normal, daily life ticking by on our streets and sidewalks, in our houses and apartments, in our beds and at our dinner tables, in our dreams and prayers and fights and secrets – this pedestrian life is the most precious thing any of use will ever experience.” 

Shawn and I, we're the futuristic dreamer type. While we were dating - we couldn't wait to be engaged. And once we were engaged, all we wanted was to be married. When we lived in North Carolina, we constantly dreamed of when we would move to Colorado. And once in Colorado, we counted down the days until we could put army life behind us. And now, here we are, living in California. 

It is a huge relief to know that we are going to be here for a while. That there is no impending state or cross country move. And yet, Shawn and I often find ourselves setting up our next big plan. A bigger place to live, different cars, a backyard for the dogs, kids, vacations, restaurants and work achievements. And I've started to realize that there is a fine line between being a dreamer and never being content with what you have.

So here we are. We're 25, married for 3 years, both working full-time, Shawn in school full-time, two dogs, no kids, a 1 bedroom apartment, and not a whole lot of responsibility other than your average bills.

And this quote, it really resonated with what I am learning on our little street at age 25. This. Is. It. Right here, right now. I think we are somehow programmed to think that life will be better in the stage after the one we are currently in. But honestly, if I really take a look at my past and what I've learned - it's that life gets a heck of a lot harder and (hopefully) sweeter with every human or responsibility you add to it.

So right now, I'm trying to remind myself daily how sweet this current phase is that Shawn and I are in. It's fun and we get to be selfish with our time and each other. It's not better or worse than what any other 25 year old is doing - but it's our story. And I love it. I want to look back on this time and remember how special it was. Just Shawn, me, and our dogs. I want to remember having friends over for dinner or drinks and talking until we all know we are going to be exhausted tomorrow - but it was worth it. I want to try new things and eat new food and walk instead of drive. I want my house to finally look like an adult lives in it and I want to establish a wardrobe I feel confident in. I want to really put roots down in a church, a church that we can someday raise a family in. I want to enjoy right now, for exactly what it is - being 25, married, dogs, no kids, little responsibility, and two people having fun and getting to do life together.

Right now - I'm right where I'm supposed to be. And so are you. Remember that. Appreciate it. And know that it will never be like it is - right now - ever again.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Pressing Publish

If I told you how many times I write posts on here and just never have quite enough courage to press the little publish button, you would probably want to slap me. I want to slap myself sometimes. Even this post - I originally wrote like 4 months ago. Sorry about that.

The blog world is such a strange thing. I always find it interesting when I read bloggers write about how private they are or introverted they really as a person. It might seem incredibly ironic or unreal to most people, but I get it. I battle this constant pull between feeling like I have a lot to say and give, and also feeling like I'm not sure I really want to let people in.

This blog started as a fun past time. A way to remember the crazy things my husband does and makes or new things I've discovered. The problem is, that isn't always who I feel like I am as a person. Yeah, I can put on a show and show you my all my best sides and foods and projects. I like those things. They are a part of my life and definitely come with the package of being married to Shawn. But they aren't all of it.

There's other parts too. Like the fact that the military was really hard on our marriage. That it has been three years of on and off heartache and healing. That I absolutely 100% love my husband more today than I ever have before. And that I feel more loved now by my husband than ever before. There's also the part where we moved - again. And that we both are taking turns kind of really freaking out. There's the whole moving into our 4th place in the last 3 years, and knowing it definitely won't be the last. And then we've got the part where I have no idea what to do with my life. Still. And it kind of hurts. We've also got the fact that for the first time in probably about 4 years, I feel like a human again. A well-rested, healthy, sane individual who can problem solve and brush off people's judgments.

There have been a lot of choices I have made in the last three years regarding my husband and the army and how I handle his deployments that have been questioned. I cannot tell you how many times people ask me why I don't just go with him (just incase you're still wondering - I've never been invited to join). I cannot tell you how many times people have wondered why I didn't just choose to stay in North Carolina or Colorado and live alone for those 2-6 month stretches he has been gone. And I cannot tell you how many times people have said to me, "Well you knew what you were getting in to." All of these things, they make you want to crawl into a little hole and hide until the world is nice to you again. Or at least until your husband gets back and you feel a little less judged.

As an addict of people pleasing, I can almost guarantee I've thought the judgemental things about myself before anyone else has probably gotten around to it. I have learned that it is crucial to acknowledge that you will almost always be more intuitive and judgmental of yourself than anyone else will ever be.

While Shawn was deployed this year, I was given the gift of healing. I am beyond thankful for that time in my life, and I will never, ever regret it. Most of the time it's just about slowing down. About being thankful and learning what really makes you flourish as a person. I'm still navigating my way through it, but let me tell you, once you reach acceptance of who you are and who the person is that you married - life is so much sweeter.

That's all for now.

Oh and P.S.....Shawn and I moved to Beverly Hills. We love it here. I may never leave this city, which will probably mean we have to live in our 1 bedroom apartment forever. I won't even be mad. I see the most hilarious things every day. I will work on documenting them. Life here with my husband and two dogs - it's right where I want to be.

Do something that makes you really feel like you today.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...